So Hard To Say Goodbye
by showtunediva
Summary: Finn dies of a drug overdose and the members of New Directions plan his funeral services.


**So Hard To Say Goodbye**

**A Glee Fan Fiction**

This story is a tribute to Cory Montieth who died last week of a drug overdose. I own no characters from Glee. My heart goes out to Cory's family and Glee costars including Lea Michele in the wake of this tragedy. I haven't watched Glee for a year but I definitely plan to watch the memorial episode for Cory.. tissues will be ready. Rachel and Kurt are taking summer courses in this story.

The mid July heat was unbearable as Rachel Berry turned the key to her apartment. It was 3:30pm and her last summer class had just finished for the day. Kurt only had two classes in the morning so he had done all the shopping. Rachel couldn't wait to be in the air condintioning for the rest of the afternoon and evening. Kurt was sitting on the couch watching television as Rachel arrived home Kurt was aimlessly flipping through the channels on the tv. Rachel immediately noticed something seemed to be on his mind.. he looked upset.. almost distraught.

"What's the matter?"

Kurt choked back what it appeared to Rachel to look like a sob.

"My dad just called. Finn died of an overdose."

Rachel's immediate thought was 'No, this can't be happening.'

"I was just in Lima about a month and half ago. He seemed fine."

"He must have relapsed in the last couple of weeks."

Rachel collapsed on the couch dissolving into gut wrenching sobs.

"I can't believe it. I don't want to believe it."

Kurt pulled his friend into a strong hug.

"All of us are here to support you Rach. Don't worry. We all know how special your relationship with Finn was. We love you."

"When are the services?"

"This weekend. We should take the earliest flight to Cincinnati tomorrow morning. Your mom is meeting us at the airport. Mr. Schuster called an emergency Glee Club meeting at Breadsticks. My dad and Carole will be there too."

Rachel and Kurt were up early the next day to catch a 10:15am flight to Ohio from JFK airport. Shelby met them at the gate.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry about Finn." Shelby pulled her daughter into a warm hug.

"I can't believe this happened. He was doing so well the last time I saw him."

"None of us can believe it."

"No one for Vocal Adrenaline will be there?" Vocal Adrenaline and New Directions had recently joined forces after performing together at Regionals the year before.

"No. Mr. Schue wants to start planning the services."

"New Directions isn't singing at the services?"

"They might be. That's what Mr. Schue wants to discuss with you guys."

Rachel wasn't sure how comfortable she felt with New Directions singing at the services. It would not be quite the same singing without Finn.

They pulled into the parking lot of Breadsticks about 20 minutes later. Mercedes was waiting outside and hugged her friend.

"Rach, I'm so sorry about Finn. This is such terrible and shocking news for all of us."

"Come on. Let's go inside and sit down." Shelby said.

As they walked into the familiar Italian eatery Will Schuster waved them over to a table.

"Hi Guys, we're all sitting over here."

Two tables were pushed together and all the original members of New Directions were seated there along with Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson.

Carole rose to her feet immediately when she saw Rachel pulling her into warm hug. "How are you holding up sweetie pie?"

"As good as I can give the circumstances." Rachel replied.

Mercedes, Rachel, Kurt and Shelby all took their seats at the table.

"When is the funeral? Kurt didn't want to wait to ask this question.

"Sunday at 10am. It's not going to be a funueral mass.. more like a celebration of his life." Carole said.

Mr. Schuster regarded his original Glee Club students seriously.

"How do you guys feel about singing a few songs at the service for Finn?"

Artie voiced the opinion he was sure everyone else in the group was feeling.

"It won't be the same singing without him."

Shelby nodded. "It will definitely be a tough performance for all of you.. Finn was very special to all of you… especially to you Rachel." She squeezed her daughter's hand tightly.

Rachel was quiet for about five minutes.

"I think we should sing at least three songs at the services… songs that we all enjoyed singing together while we with Finn."

"Any special solos or duets we should do?" Shelby asked

Quinn looked at Rachel… someone who had sometimes been her friend and sometimes been her enemy over the past several years. "Would you like to sing For Good from Wicked together?"

Rachel's eyes brimmed with tears. "I'd love that Quinn."

Rachel went through the motions of the next few days. It was almost surreal to her that they were planning a funeral for Finn and that New Directions would be singing at it. At 7:00pm on Saturday night her cell phone rang. It was Jesse St James.

"Hey Rach, I heard about Finn. I'm in shock."

"I think we all are." Rachel almost whispered in response.

"I'm performing in a competition this weekend so I can't come to the funeral tomorrow but I will be in New York late next week. Do you want to meet up for dinner?"

Rachel smiled. "That would be great Jesse. . I have my last class at 3:30 on Thursday. You can meet me at my apartment and we can walk down town for dinner."

"If you need anything I'm here for you whatever you need."

Rachel's heart filled with joy. "Thank you Jesse. You don't realize how much I appreciate that."

"I'll see you soon.

"Okay."

Rachel hung up the phone and placed it on her bedside table. Her and Puck were in charge of writing the eulogy for Finn. It was going to be the hardest thing she would ever had to do.

As she pulled out her notebook and pen she smiled as every memory of Finn suddenly flowed out of her. Every hug every kiss every laugh every tear. They had talked so often about getting married. Now the reality was stunning that that was never going to happen.

She put her pen down and then threw herself down on her bed and started to sob.

'Oh Finn, you have no idea how much I'm going to miss you. I love you so much.' She whispered to the empty room.

**Additional Note To Readers**: The relationship between Rachel and Shelby is a little deeper explored in my 1st Glee fan fiction Reprise. You may want to read that for background.


End file.
